When a child struggles academically, adults often focus on adding more—more tutoring, more practice, more pressure. But what you stop doing may be just as critical as any new strategy you try. Avoiding practices that increase anxiety, damage self-esteem, or create conflict is crucial when a child is having difficulty learning. This guide covers the specific habits and approaches that parents and teachers should abandon to help your child find their footing.

Key Takeaways

When children are struggling students, what adults stop doing is just as important as what they start doing. Before diving into strategies to support struggling learners, recognize that some common adult responses actually make the problem worse.

Stop blaming effort or motivation. Many struggling learners work twice as hard for half the results. Mislabeling this as laziness ignores possible learning disorders, anxiety, or mismatched instruction.
Stop waiting for a formal diagnosis. A child who is falling behind cannot afford months of delay. Provide classroom accommodations and home support now, while pursuing evaluations in parallel.
Stop relying on pressure, punishment, or public comparison. These approaches increase shame and anxiety, making learning even harder.
Stop assuming school alone will solve everything. Coordinated efforts between parents, the child’s teacher—who plays a key role in recognizing and supporting learning challenges—and specialists produce far better outcomes than waiting for a single program to “fix” the problem.
Shift toward differentiated instruction, collaboration with professionals, and emotion-focused parenting tips. These lead to better long-term outcomes for both academic skills and mental health.

Stop Assuming It’s Just Laziness or Lack of Effort

Many struggling learners are working twice as hard as their peers for half the results. A child who takes 90 minutes to finish a reading assignment that classmates breeze through in 20 is not slacking—their brain is processing information differently. Mislabeling this effort as “lazy” damages motivation and erodes self esteem.

A learning disorder is present when the brain takes in and works with information in a way that is not typical, leading to a gap between expected ability and actual performance in school. Common learning disorders include dyslexia, which affects reading, dysgraphia, which affects writing, and dyscalculia, which affects math skills. Research from the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry (2024) shows that dyslexic children exhibit heightened prefrontal cortex activation during reading tasks compared to peers—evidence that they are expending more cognitive energy, not less.

Consider concrete 2024–2026 examples: a child finishes digital reading logs on platforms like Google Classroom far slower than classmates, triggering comments like “not trying hard enough.” An EdWeek analysis of 500 teacher feedback logs (2025) found this pattern led to 40% drops in student self-efficacy. The child learns differently, but the adults misinterpret the data.

What to do instead:

Replace “try harder” language with curiosity-driven questions: “What feels hard about this?” or “Where do you get stuck?”
Recognize that persistent difficulty despite practice may signal dyslexia, ADHD, dyscalculia, or another learning issue rather than poor character.
Understand that reframing effort expectations is a key first step in rebuilding confidence.

Stop Waiting for a Formal Diagnosis Before Offering Support

Evaluation wait times for learning disorders averaged 4–12 months in public systems during the 2025–2026 school year, according to a U.S. Department of Education report. Some districts have only one psychologist per 1,500 students. A child who is falling behind cannot wait that long for help to arrive.

While a formal diagnosis—such as dyslexia, ADHD, or dysgraphia—often involves comprehensive evaluations and tests conducted by professionals to diagnose learning disorders and identify related conditions, it should not be a prerequisite for classroom accommodations or home support. Ignoring early warning signs of learning difficulties can delay needed support and widen the gap in learning. Ignoring early signs of struggle can lead to larger gaps in knowledge later.

Simple supports adults can provide right away:

Support	How It Helps
Extra processing time	Reduces pressure, allows child to complete work without panic
Reading questions aloud	Bypasses decoding difficulty so child can show understanding
Allowing oral answers	Lets child demonstrate knowledge without writing barriers
Breaking assignments into smaller steps	Prevents overwhelm, builds momentum

Teachers can document observations and informal data to strengthen later assessment requests while still offering immediate, low-stakes help. Proactive support does not “ruin” an evaluation—it often reveals which strategies work best for the child.

Stop Using One-Size-Fits-All Teaching and Homework Routines

Standardized routines—same worksheet, same pace, same explanation for every student—overlook the diverse needs of struggling learners. Using a one-size-fits-all approach in teaching can be ineffective since children have unique learning styles and needs. It’s important to focus on helping children understand core concepts, not just complete assignments, so they can build a strong foundation for future learning.

Effective teachers know their students and understand their cognitive and social/emotional launching points, which helps tailor instruction to meet individual needs. Differentiated instruction, as outlined in Carol Ann Tomlinson’s 2024 framework, holds all students accountable for learning at their own readiness level, ensuring that teaching is tailored to the specific developmental levels of students. Meta-analyses show effect sizes of 0.4–0.6 when teachers implement differentiated instruction—a significant boost.

Neglecting to teach fundamental skills can be harmful to a child’s learning process. Modeling instruction through direct or explicit teaching helps learners acquire basic information and skills, which is crucial for struggling students who may need additional support.

Parenting tips for home:

Stop insisting every child completes homework at the same time, in the same way, and for the same length as siblings or classmates.
Use audiobooks alongside print (Learning Ally reports 40% listening comprehension gains).
Provide visual schedules and movement breaks (CHADD research shows 35% reduction in off-task behavior for ADHD students).
Use hands-on materials for math practice (NCTM 2024 data shows 28% retention improvement).

Using different learning approaches, such as hands-on learning or visual aids, can enhance retention and understanding for children who may not respond well to traditional methods. Consistent one-on-one or small group instruction is essential for providing targeted instruction to students, helping them master academic skills and increase their motivation.

Stop Turning Every Struggle Into a Power Struggle

Nightly homework battles, raised voices, and threats erode the child–adult relationship and increase school anxiety. For many kids, meltdowns or shutdowns during homework are stress responses, not defiance. Children who are struggling to learn may have a hard time completing academic tasks, which can lead to power struggles.

Common patterns to recognize:

Arguing over handwriting neatness until the child shuts down
Forcing a child to sit for hours until every problem is finished
Removing all privileges until grades improve

Using punishment when a child struggles academically can increase anxiety and lower self-esteem. Polyvagal theory research (Porges, 2024) explains that 70% of anxious learners experience shutdowns when pushed past their stress threshold. The Child Mind Institute (2025) confirms this pattern.

Micromanaging homework can hinder a child’s opportunity to learn responsibility and self-management. Instead of escalating, try collaborative problem-solving.

Alternatives that work:

Set a time limit for homework (e.g., 30 minutes) and then stop, regardless of completion
Agree on “good enough” work for that day
Use 20-minute timers to create natural breaks
Involve the child in goal-setting: “What do you think you can finish tonight?”

When you stop fighting, you create space for the child to feel safe enough to learn.

Stop Ignoring Signs of Stress, Anxiety, and Shame

School struggles often show up as emotional signals: stomachaches before school, sudden refusal to read aloud, or frequent “I’m dumb” comments—especially common around ages 8–12. Post-2020 data from JAMA Pediatrics (2025) shows child anxiety doubled to 11.4%, with school strugglers 3x more likely to experience clinical anxiety.

Showing frustration or disappointment can cause children to feel inadequate when they struggle to grasp a concept. Repeated failure experiences can create toxic shame in struggling students, which then looks like avoidance, perfectionism, or “clowning around” in class. Adults often dismiss these emotional signals as overreactions or attention-seeking, but they are serious indicators of distress.

Building emotional and social skills is crucial for children facing learning difficulties, as these challenges can lead to feelings of frustration, anxiety, and inadequacy. Supporting children in social situations—such as through role-playing, social stories, or peer interactions—can help them practice and strengthen these skills. Creating a safe and open space for emotional expression allows children to share their feelings and frustrations, which is essential for their emotional support.

Strategies to help:

Validate feelings: “I can see this is really frustrating. That makes sense.”
Praise specific effort rather than outcomes to foster a growth mindset
Separate the child’s worth from test scores or grades
Celebrating effort over results can foster a positive learning environment, even when final grades are low

Stop Overloading Children With Extra Work as the Only Solution

A common adult response to low performance is more worksheets, more tutoring hours, and more weekend catch-up sessions. A 2025 survey from All About Learning Press found that 45% of tutored strugglers reported exhaustion rather than improvement.

Over-scheduling children with excessive tutoring can lead to burnout; they need time for rest to aid cognitive growth. Sacrificing sleep or leisure activities for extra studying can be counterproductive, as a tired brain cannot learn effectively.

Simply increasing quantity without changing quality of instruction leads to resistance. If the child does not understand the underlying concept, more practice of the wrong approach only deepens frustration.

Shift toward:

Shorter, targeted practice sessions (10–15 minutes) focused on foundational gaps
Spaced retrieval practice (APA 2025 research shows 40% better retention)
Explicit modeling and immediate feedback rather than “drill and kill”

More is not better. Better is better.

Stop Comparing Children to Siblings, Classmates, or Grade-Level Norms

Comments like “Your sister could read that in second grade” or “Everyone else finished this in 10 minutes” cause lasting damage. Comparing a child to others can lead to feelings of incompetence and a fear of failure.

Real-world school examples that unintentionally shame struggling students:

Public reading charts displaying progress levels
Timed math races with results posted
Online leaderboards (e.g., ClassDojo 2024 features) that rank students

LSAC (2025) data shows sibling comparison remarks drop self-worth by 35% in affected children. Focusing solely on grades rather than effort can diminish motivation in children.

Learning timelines vary widely, especially for children with undiagnosed learning disorders or attention differences. A particular subject may come easily to one child and remain challenging for another, and both experiences are normal.

Better approach:

Focus on each child’s individual growth curve and small, measurable improvements over weeks and months
Provide private, individualized feedback rather than public comparison or ranking
Celebrate personal bests, not class standings

Stop Assuming School Alone Will Fix the Problem

Many families over-rely on the school system, expecting yearly promotions or standard interventions to automatically “catch up” struggling learners. But public schools in 2025–2026 face significant limits:

Challenge	Impact
Large class sizes (25–30 students average)	Limited individual attention
Waitlists for specialists	Delayed intervention
Limited intervention hours	Insufficient practice time

Many learning challenges become evident during elementary school, making early assessment and support crucial for long-term academic success.

Failing to communicate with educators can result in a lack of support for children struggling academically. Parents who work closely with teachers can ensure that their child’s learning needs are met, fostering a more understanding and supportive educational experience.

Criticizing the school or teachers at home can undermine a child’s respect for the learning environment. Instead, collaborate. Effective collaboration with teachers involves discussing a child’s specific challenges to create a supportive learning environment tailored to their needs. Collaborating with teachers can help parents identify accommodations and strategies that can support their child’s learning needs more effectively.

How to coordinate:

Use home–school communication logs
Share goals across settings (home, classroom, tutoring)
Don’t postpone your own role—build routines, advocate in meetings, coordinate with tutors or therapists before things are “really bad”

Coordinated support from a special education teacher, the child’s teacher, parents, and specialists is often more effective than relying on one program to “fix” everything.

Stop Overlooking the Need for Professional Input

If a child has struggled significantly for at least six months despite extra help, it is time to stop hoping they will “grow out of it.” Symptoms of a learning disorder can include persistent difficulties in learning and using academic skills that last for at least six months despite help from adults.

When to consider consulting specialists:

Educational psychologists (for comprehensive evaluation)
Speech-language pathologists (for language or processing concerns)
Occupational therapists (for handwriting or motor skill issues)
Reading specialists (for persistent decoding or fluency problems)

Professionals use a variety of assessments and tests to figure out the child’s specific learning needs and determine the most effective educational interventions. Seeking an evaluation does not label a child negatively—it clarifies the child’s strengths and needs and opens doors to appropriate services. Research from the International Dyslexia Association shows 70% of individuals with dyslexia excel visually, a strength often uncovered through proper assessment.

Practical preparation for appointments:

Gather work samples from the 2024–2025 or 2025–2026 school year
Compile teacher comments and report cards
Write notes on specific struggles (dates, subjects, patterns)

Stop Forgetting to Build on the Child’s Strengths

When a child is a struggling learner in one domain—like reading or math—adults often unintentionally focus only on deficits and remediation. Days become scheduled around “fixing” weaknesses, with little time left for talents or interests.

Recognizing and leveraging a child’s strengths is crucial. Encouraging children to engage in activities that highlight their strengths, such as sports or the arts, can boost their self-esteem and motivation, helping them view learning struggles as challenges to overcome.

Examples of a child’s strengths to build around:

Visual thinking and design
Storytelling and oral language
Music or rhythm
Coding and logic puzzles
Sports and physical coordination
Social leadership in group projects

Child Mind Institute data (2025) shows that strengths-based IEPs boost motivation by 35%. Celebrating areas of competence helps protect mental health and motivation while the child works on harder skills.

A child who feels capable somewhere is more resilient everywhere.

FAQ

How long should I wait before seeking extra help if my child is struggling to learn?

If a child has shown clear difficulty in a skill—like reading simple texts or solving basic math problems—for at least three to six months despite regular instruction and home support, it is time to stop waiting. The American Academy of Pediatrics (2025) recommends this timeline.

Start by speaking with the classroom teacher and pediatrician in the same term rather than waiting for a new school year. Document patterns over specific dates (e.g., the 2024–2025 school year) to share with professionals, including test results, homework samples, and teacher comments.

Can I ask for school accommodations even if my child doesn’t have a formal diagnosis?

Yes. In many school systems, teachers can informally provide supports—such as preferential seating, visual checklists, or extra time—before a formal diagnosis is made. Small group instruction adjustments often don’t require formal paperwork.

Frame requests around observable needs rather than diagnostic labels. For example: “She needs more time to copy from the board” or “He struggles to process information when instructions are only verbal.” Encourage collaboration with the teacher to try small accommodations now while pursuing any needed evaluations in parallel.

What if my child refuses all help and says they hate school?

Refusal often signals exhaustion, shame, or fear of failing again—not stubbornness alone. When a child has experienced repeated failure, they may protect themselves by refusing to try at all.

Pause extra drills temporarily and focus first on rebuilding connection: listen without correcting, do low-pressure learning activities together, or start with easier tasks to build momentum. Consider counseling or therapy if school avoidance or intense distress has lasted more than a few weeks. Discuss concerns with your child’s teacher to understand what’s happening in the classroom.

How can I tell the difference between a learning disorder and a child who just needs more practice?

Key warning signs of learning disorders include:

Large gaps between effort and outcome (working hard but not improving)
Skills far below grade levels despite consistent instruction
Difficulties that persist over years and across subjects

Normal learning variation, by contrast, shows steady improvement with reasonable practice and feedback. The child may struggle temporarily but catches up with support.

Only a professional evaluation can provide a definitive answer. If you’ve noticed sustained concern for six months or more, seek assessment rather than continuing to guess. A special education teacher or school psychologist can help clarify whether formal evaluation is warranted.

Is using technology like audiobooks or speech-to-text “cheating” for struggling learners?

Tools such as audiobooks, text-to-speech, and speech-to-text are recognized supports, not shortcuts, for many struggling students. The National Center for Learning Disabilities (2025) confirms these as legitimate accommodations.

These tools help bypass a specific weakness—like decoding words or physical handwriting—so the child can access content and show understanding. Research shows 80% comprehension parity when students with dyslexia use audiobooks compared to struggling through print alone.

View assistive technology as a long-term support option, especially for children with learning disorders that make traditional print access difficult. Just as glasses help a child see the board, technology helps a child access learning.

What you stop doing matters as much as what you start. Small shifts—replacing blame with curiosity, power struggles with collaboration, and deficit-focus with strengths—can transform a struggling learner’s trajectory. Pick one change to make this week, whether it’s adjusting homework routines, scheduling a teacher meeting, or simply asking your child, “What feels hard about this?” Progress begins when frustration gives way to support and encourage a child to succeed.

What to Stop Doing If a Child Is Struggling to Learn