Every parent has experienced it—your child collapses on the floor in tears, screaming and refusing to cooperate. A temper tantrum is a sudden emotional outburst that often includes crying, yelling, or physical actions. In other words, a tantrum is a child’s intense emotional reaction, usually when they are unable to express their needs or feelings with words. Child tantrums are a normal part of early childhood, often a child’s way to express their feelings of frustration when words or self-control are still developing. Many kids have tantrums as a normal part of development, and childhood temper tantrums are especially common in the toddler years. The signs of a tantrum include crying, yelling, stomping, or throwing things as the child is struggling to manage big feelings. In a typical tantrum, the actions of the child may vary, and sometimes kids use tantrums to get what they want.

Most children go through tantrum phases during the toddler years as part of natural emotional and psychological growth. Kids are more likely to have tantrums when they are tired, hungry, or overwhelmed. However, sometimes the tantrum is more than just a sign of tiredness, hunger, or frustration. In certain cases, the underlying problem is the child’s difficulty adjusting to the environment, and your child has tantrums that may signal deeper emotional, behavioural, or developmental concerns.

The challenge for parents is knowing when your child’s tantrums are part of typical development—and when they may point to something more. If your child has frequent or intense tantrums, it may be helpful to try to observe the actions and triggers, and consider what you can do to handle or deal with the tantrum in the right way for the child’s needs.

What is a Tantrum

A tantrum is a common emotional reaction in children during their growth. When a child feels frustrated, angry, or unable to express their needs with words, they often vent their emotions through crying, screaming, kicking, throwing things, and other behaviors. For many children, a tantrum is a way to express their inner feelings and needs, especially during the stage when language and self-control skills are not yet fully developed.

The occurrence of tantrums is usually related to various factors. For example, the child is more likely to have a tantrum when they are tired, hungry, sick, or facing unfamiliar environments. Sometimes, a tantrum may also happen because the child does not get what they want, such as being denied a toy or snack. For young children, tantrums are a way to try to gain attention or satisfy needs through behavior.

It is very important for parents to understand the reasons behind their child’s tantrums. By observing the child’s daily routine and ensuring they have enough rest and nutrition, tantrums can be effectively reduced. At the same time, creating a safe and stable family environment where the child feels understood and accepted is key to preventing emotional outbursts.

When your child has a tantrum, it is crucial for parents to remain calm and patient. Avoid responding with punishment or scolding, as this may worsen the child’s emotions. Instead, parents can try to comfort the child gently with soft words or help them calm down by redirecting their attention. For example, you can softly say to your child, “I know you are very angry right now, let’s take a deep breath together and calm down slowly.” This approach helps the child learn to express emotions in a healthier way.

Additionally, parents can teach children to express their feelings using words or other methods in daily life. For example, encourage the child to say, “I am angry because I want that toy,” instead of crying to express themselves. Guiding children to express emotions through drawing, games, and other activities also helps them gradually build self-regulation skills.

In summary, a tantrum is a normal phenomenon in children’s growth. Through understanding, patience, and positive guidance, parents can help children get through emotional outbursts and lay a solid foundation for their future emotional management and social skills.

Understanding Typical Tantrums

Toddler tantrums often begin around age one and peak between ages two and three. Temper tantrums are a normal part of development, especially in the toddler years. At this stage, kids crave independence but lack the language skills to fully communicate, so they are likely to use tantrums to express their feelings or to get what they want. One of the most common tantrum triggers is frustration—when your child has trouble doing something independently. In the daily routine, fatigue or hunger can also make your child more likely to have a tantrum. With a sudden transition, such as moving from play to bedtime or school to home, kids may also act out. Denied requests, like being told “no” to a toy, treat, or activity, are another frequent cause of the tantrum.

Most tantrums are short, lasting only a few minutes, and ease once the child’s need is met or they calm themselves. If you maintain good sleep routines, consistent boundaries, and supportive caregiving, your child is less likely to have frequent tantrums as their emotional regulation improves. Monitoring your child’s behavior and emotional responses helps you better understand their needs and adjust your approach accordingly.

Typical temper tantrums are not just disruptive—they serve a developmental role. They help children to express their feelings, learn limits, practice self-control, and gradually build resilience. One way to handle tantrums is for parents to respond calmly, offer guidance, and model healthy emotional expression. Responding calmly to your child’s tantrums shows your child that their feelings are acknowledged. Try to notice the tantrum triggers and take action early. If you want your child to develop better coping skills, show them how to deal with frustration and encourage positive actions.

Types of Tantrums

Not all tantrums look the same. They can be grouped into three main types:

• Verbal Outbursts: In a verbal outburst, the actions of a child may include loud crying, screaming, or repeated demands. Children may use these outbursts to express their feelings when your child has difficulty communicating in a calm way.
• Physical Outbursts: The actions of a physical tantrum include stomping, hitting, biting, or throwing objects. This is often a way to express frustration or other strong emotions.
• Mixed Outbursts: A mixed outburst is a combination of verbal and physical expressions, with a range of actions that show their feelings in a more intense way.

Recognising the type of tantrum is one way to help parents know how to deal with these situations. For example, if you notice a verbal outburst, try to remain calm and offer reassurance. When your child has a physical tantrum, the best way to handle it is to prioritise safety and remove dangerous objects. With a mixed outburst, try to be patient and model calm actions. Understanding how to respond gives your child the support they need to express their feelings in a healthier way.

When to Worry: Red Flags in Tantrum Behaviour

Most temper tantrums are harmless and developmentally appropriate. But some may signal underlying issues if they are:

• Excessively long: Lasting 20–30 minutes or more, which is the sign of the persistence of the tantrum
• Aggressive: Frequent hitting, biting, or throwing objects, one of the actions that may indicate deeper problems
• Self-harming: Head-banging, scratching, or attempts to hurt themselves, with a risk to the safety of the child
• Too frequent: Multiple tantrums daily beyond preschool age, likely to interfere with a child’s development
• Disruptive: Interfering with school, friendships, or family life, in the context of the child’s daily functioning
• Persistent: Continuing past age five or six with intensity, which is the red flag for the need to handle underlying causes of the behavior

These red flags suggest that if your child has these behaviors, your child is likely to need additional evaluation and support. Left unaddressed, severe tantrums can lead to actions that affect learning, social skills, and mental health. If you notice these signs, try to seek professional advice for the best way to deal with and to handle the situation.

Possible Underlying Causes of Persistent Tantrums

Persistent or extreme tantrums are likely to be linked to underlying conditions. One of the causes of the behavior is the presence of an underlying condition such as:

• ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder): Challenges with impulse control and emotional regulation are likely to make it harder for your child to manage their actions in the face of frustration.
• Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): Sensitivity to changes in routine or sensory overload is the reason why your child has frequent meltdowns or tantrums.
• Anxiety Disorders: Meltdowns triggered by overwhelming fear or worry are likely to occur when your child has difficulty coping with stress.
• Language or Speech Delays: Frustration from difficulty communicating needs can lead your child to use tantrums as a way to express themselves.
• Sensory Processing Issues: Overreactions to lights, sounds, textures, or environments are likely to result in the escalation of the tantrum.

If your child has persistent tantrums, it is important to try to identify the underlying causes of the behavior. Each of these conditions requires a different way to handle tantrums, so professional assessment is the best way to determine how to deal with your child’s needs. For instance, if your child has speech delays, therapy is the recommended action to help improve communication. When your child has sensory issues, occupational therapy is the way to help them learn how to handle overwhelming environments. If you notice your child’s actions are extreme or frequent, consult a specialist for the best action plan.

Tantrum Characteristics Across Different Age Groups

Different age groups of children have unique expressions during emotional outbursts. For example, a 2-year-old toddler’s temper tantrums often stem from their inability to clearly express their needs and feelings with words. When they cannot get what they want or face frustration, they may cry, lie down, or roll on the floor to show their displeasure. By age 4, children’s language and cognitive skills improve, and tantrums and meltdowns are more often due to frustration with rules, sharing, or emotional regulation.

Understanding these age-related traits helps parents better identify and respond to emotional outbursts. For younger children, parents can soothe and comfort them with gentle touch and reassurance. For older children, guiding them to express their feelings verbally, teaching phrases like “I feel anger” or “I need help,” can replace crying and tantrums.

When dealing with tantrums, parents should adjust their strategies based on the child’s age and developmental stage. Younger children need more security and comfort, while older children need to learn to recognize and regulate their emotions. By focusing on age-specific tantrum characteristics, parents can more effectively help children build healthy emotional expression and self-regulation skills, laying a strong foundation for future growth.

What Parents Can Do

Parents can support children through tantrums by combining patience, structure, and guidance. Here are some ways to handle and deal with tantrums:

• Stay Calm: One way to handle tantrums is to model emotional control and avoid escalating the situation. If you remain calm, your child is more likely to calm down as well.
• Use Routines: Predictable schedules are a way to reduce stress and help prevent tantrum triggers.
• Validate Feelings: Try to acknowledge your child’s emotions without necessarily giving in. When your child has strong feelings, validating them can help de-escalate the situation.
• Listen and Respond: Listen to your child and respond to your child’s needs to your best ability during a tantrum. Pay attention to your child’s emotions and try to provide support to your child.
• Teach Coping Skills: Show your child how to use coping skills, such as breathing exercises, counting, or using words to express feelings. This is an effective way to help your child to manage their emotions.
• Provide Outlets: Offer calming activities like drawing, reading, or physical play. These actions can redirect your child’s energy in a positive way.
• Seek Professional Guidance: If you notice your child has severe or persistent tantrums, consult a paediatrician or child psychologist to deal with underlying issues. Remember to communicate to your doctor any concerns about your child’s behavior.

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) and other evidence-based interventions can be especially effective, strengthening parent-child relationships while teaching self-regulation skills. If you want to know how to take further action, consider professional support.

Supporting Children’s Emotional Regulation Skills

Helping children develop emotional regulation skills is key to preventing and managing temper tantrums. Parents can teach children to recognize and express their emotions through daily interactions. For example, when your child feels anger or sadness, encourage them to say “I feel anger” or “I am sad” instead of crying or throwing a tantrum to get attention or what they want.

Additionally, parents can teach simple emotional regulation techniques such as deep breathing, slowly counting to 10, or shifting attention to a favorite activity. These methods help children find ways to calm down when emotions run high, gradually improving self-control and coping with frustration.

Parent Child Interaction Therapy is a scientifically proven intervention that helps parents and children build positive interaction patterns. Under professional guidance, parents learn how to use positive attention, emotion coaching, and behavior management to help children better express needs and emotions and reduce tantrums. With ongoing practice and support, children gradually master healthier emotional expression, enhancing self-regulation and social skills.

When to Seek Professional Help

Trust your instincts. If you notice your child has tantrums that feel excessive, unusually aggressive, or interfere with daily life, it may be time for professional input. If your child continues to struggle despite your efforts, early evaluation helps identify whether the behaviour is part of typical development or linked to an underlying condition.

Early intervention is powerful. With the right strategies—whether therapy, school support, or family coaching—you can help your child to learn healthier ways to manage big emotions. If you feel overwhelmed, seek professional advice. When your child experiences frequent meltdowns, timely support can make a significant difference.

Additional Considerations for Parents

• View tantrums as communication: When your child has a tantrum, understand it as a way to communicate needs they can’t verbalise. Try to look for patterns and triggers to handle these situations more effectively.
• Encourage positive behaviour: If you notice your child to express emotions calmly, praise these actions. This is a helpful way to reinforce positive behaviour and reduce tantrums.
• Stay consistent: A good way to deal with tantrums is to align responses across caregivers for clarity. Try to keep your actions consistent so your child knows what to expect.
• Take care of yourself: If you feel overwhelmed when your child has frequent tantrums, seek support. One action you can do to handle stress is to join support groups or get professional advice, which are effective ways to deal with the challenges of parenting.

Research and New Insights

Research confirms tantrums are a normal stage of development but also highlights the importance of parental response. Children are likely to benefit from consistent, calm, and supportive approaches, which can reduce the frequency and intensity of tantrums. One effective way to handle tantrums is through interventions like PCIT and cognitive-behavioural techniques. These methods teach parents how to deal with challenging behaviors, what actions to take during a tantrum, and what to do to support emotional regulation. Parents can try to remain calm and model appropriate action, which is likely to help children learn better ways to express their emotions.

The Role of Environment and Prevention

Children thrive in predictable, structured environments. Parents looking for effective ways to prevent tantrums can try to:

• Maintain regular mealtimes, naps, and bedtimes as a way to handle daily routines and reduce stress
• Minimise overstimulation in noisy or chaotic settings, which is an important action to deal with triggers for tantrums
• Offer controlled choices to give children a sense of independence—this is a simple way to do to empower them and prevent frustration
• Teach simple language for emotions (“I’m angry,” “I need help”) so children know how to express feelings and what actions to take when upset

Learning how to implement these preventative strategies not only reduces tantrums but also builds lifelong emotional resilience.

The Impact of Different Environments on Tantrums

The environment has a significant impact on children’s emotional outbursts. Noisy, chaotic, or stressful settings can make children feel uneasy and anxious, triggering temper tantrums. In contrast, quiet and regular environments help children stay emotionally stable and reduce tantrums and meltdowns.

Parents can create a supportive home environment to help your child better manage anger and emotions. For example, establishing regular routines for sleep and meals ensures children have enough rest and food, effectively reducing tantrums caused by fatigue or hunger. Providing a quiet, comfortable space allows children to rest and relax when feeling stressed, aiding emotional regulation.

Additionally, parents can reduce environmental stimuli—such as lowering noise levels and limiting screen time—to create an atmosphere that helps children calm down more easily. Through these specific environmental adjustments, parents not only help children cope with daily challenges but also promote the development of emotional regulation skills, thereby reducing the frequency and intensity of tantrums.

Final Thoughts

Temper tantrums are part of growing up—but they aren’t always “just tantrums.” By recognising red flags, addressing root causes, and seeking professional help when needed, parents can find effective ways to handle and deal with these challenges. One way to help your child to manage emotions is to learn how to respond calmly and consistently. If you notice your child has frequent or intense tantrums, try to observe patterns and consider what you can do to support them. Knowing what to do to handle tantrums when your child is upset can make a big difference in their emotional development.

Remember: responding with patience and consistency doesn’t just stop tantrums—it helps children develop the emotional skills they’ll need throughout life.

 

References

• American Academy of Pediatrics. (2012). Temper Tantrums in Toddlers: Behavioral Management and When to Worry.
• Potegal, M., & Davidson, R. J. (2003). Temper tantrums in young children: 1. Behavioral composition. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 24(3), 140–147.
• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). (2023). *Developmental Milestones and Behavioural Concerns.